Thursday, May 14, 2009


I'm gradually beginning to settle back into teaching. It's funny that even after all these years, I still get really nervous at the idea of starting to lecture again. Once I'm back into the swing of it, it doesn't bother me but that first couple of lectures back - especially if they are old people (usually twice my age)- really give me the collywobbles.

I feel like I'm actually lecturing really badly, for some reason. Just waffling on and getting my words all mixed up, and generally not making much sense. I'm hoping I'll get better when we get onto the harder stuff, when I'm concentrating so much on what I'm trying to say that I stop worrying about getting the words out. But when I'm trying to explain introductory material that I know like the back of my hand to people for whom it is all new, that's when my brain has time to think up daft digressions and pathetic attempts at humour. Blegh! Scary stuff!


Where is Mickey Mouse?

So yeah the holidays are over and life can get back to a semblance of normalcy now...
New Years Resolution: Write a Journal. YES! So far I am keeping my resolution! This is the longest any resolution has ever lasted! Hahaha!

Lull, drowsy and stale. I rolled over to squint at the clock...2:00am. Time to get up. Life as Usual. Don't have much to say about non-work life this day, sadly it's been pretty much all work.

I have a confession. I miss someone terribly.


Life As a Cabernet

OK, I’ve finally succumbed. Pillows and blankies provided for anyone who happens to stumble in here, and falls asleep before they can escape...

I am feeling very grateful today. One of the many things I am feeling grateful for is I am loved by little old ladies at work (and I use that term affectionately because I will be one someday, in the not-too-distant future). One of the things I feel I need to get over is that need for approval, but boy it feels so good when you get it! It's always good to get a boost to one's self confidence - even if it then causes extra stress.

And yeah I have 3 new students this week too! There are no guarantees in my job at the moment. I don't like the kind of people I work with honestly (Why do people love to gossip so much?) I couldn't tell you exactly what made me like teaching, though I assure you it wasn't for financial reasons. I wouldn't have been getting any more money.

(I once saw a sticker that proclaimed LIFE IS A CABERNET. Though I am aware that this is some type of wine, I've never had a cabernet, so I really couldn't tell you if it's true. If it is, then cabernet must be very bittersweet indeed. That's the way life has been these past two years, and especially in the past month or so)


the start

Okay, so I figured I'd start a journal. That way you can all know exactly how weird I am. Which is kind of hard to understand until you really get inside my moldy brain and poke around at all the dust bunnies in there, so....yeah. Journal.

I have common sense issues. Sometimes I do the oddest things and don't realize how dumb I've been until I've already broken something, ruined something, or killed something. Usually the latter doesn't apply, except for the time that I ran over a mouse with the lawn mower (or maybe most of the time I'm just absent minded).

I’ve come to realize after the past couple of weeks that I need to begin getting back to basics. I’ve buried myself too deeply into work and I’m losing touch with my family, friends, pets, books and myself. This is a vicious cycle I put myself through every once in a while. My mind begins to overflow with possibilities, forgetting the time and effort that is required to make them a reality… and after a while I begin to feel like Bilbo, like butter scraped over too much bread.

I need to force myself to stop and look at what I’m doing, to focus on where I need to be, to see again why I enjoy doing what I do and how to keep enjoying it.

Perhaps looking in at my life from the outside will open up my eyes…
I haven’t created anything in a long time and it will be really nice to just cut loose…

A very happy New Year to everyone.